I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
