people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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