She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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