ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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