I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
