I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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