I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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