The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
