Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
