Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize
