I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
