no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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