your room smells of hookers.
And success
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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