I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
