If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
