Swine flu is the new snow day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
