Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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