haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
