Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
