Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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