I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
