You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
