Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
