i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
