Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
