so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
