you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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