I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
