matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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