omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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