I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
