I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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