Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
