just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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