I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
