You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
