found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
