Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
