So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
