yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
