no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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