and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
