does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
