I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
