Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
