I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
