Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
