He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
