He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We don't watch enough power rangers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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