Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
