I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Never underestimate the power of titties
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
