my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
3pm strippers are depressing
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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