end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
